Let's get bulky

Today was a good day. It involved spending money, which is something that reads like smooth, sensual poetry to my shallow little heart.

I bought a pair of shorts, which is a big deal because I haven't purchased shorts since I was like, 11. I've held onto a deep hatred for my legs for many years, feeling that they are generally "thick" and gross and better kept hidden under pants. But I tried these little shorts on, called the husband into the dressing room for an assessment, and his violent humping and groping won me over.

We also bought this bad boy:


















Yeah, it blends and then you drink out of that same container. So convenient, right? I'll never have to wash a cup again. Well, except this cup. I'm thinking it's probably going to break within six months but I'm okay with that because it was cheap. In the meantime, I'm going to try to give up starbucks and make my own blendy icy concoctions. And maybe I'll throw in a banana or strawberry to keep shit healthy.

We also bought a massive bucket of protein powder because all men are obsessed with protein. That's fine. Maybe I'll drink some too and grow bigger muscles in my vagina and rub oil all over my biceps.

Tonight is Saturday and it's possible I'm going to spend it doing homework, cleaning, and working out. The trifecta of all things fun. So many people are probably really, really jealous.

Not much has changed in three years

So I noticed that I wrote one entry in this bitch and then took a three year* vacation. I guess I just got overwhelmed with excitement over this blog, and the pressure was just too much.

Or I completely forgot about it.

Anyway, I decided to give it another go and I think this time I'll stick with it. I've been reading lots of other blogs and I realized that inside me a huge fiery rage ball had developed out of jealousy for these other bloggers. I want my own blog, I thought. Then I remembered I had one, somewhere out there, abandoned and naked.

I'll give some facts about myself and that's how I'll conclude this gem of a post:

1. Pharmacy student currently doing pre-pharmacy course work and about to get certified as a technician
2. 5'2" of pure, untainted, fear-envoking power
3. addicted to coffee, sugar, sarcasm, and dancing in my underwear to loud music while cleaning and eating tortilla chips
4. lots of dogs, running everywhere, trampling me with love at 6am
5. married to a DUDE. A really, really good dude.
6. I live in a desert...a dry, cactus-filled desert with scorpions and the chupacabra. This would be Tucson, AZ, the same location "Hamlet 2" reamed unapologetically and without lube.

So, yeah. Good stuff.




*More like 2.5 years. shhh.

Russia is, in fact, a country

So the writer/narcissist/bored person in me decided to start a blog. I read blogs already, so I figured I may as well contribute to the meaningless, addictive, wonderful world that is The Blog. And it feels so good.

I guess my first entry will explain a bit about myself in case I meet any blog friends that want to know whether I am, say, female, and if so, is my ass juicy like a pear? Or, perhaps, whether or not I enjoy reading books, or eating giant burritos, or prank calling coworkers after a little bit of wine. The answer to all that is yes. Except maybe the juicy pear ass part. My ass is pretty small and unworthy of any fruity adjectives.

Anyway, I am in fact a girl, in my twenties, going to college and being an anti-social headcase. I'm kind of inappropriate and offensive, but mostly in a harmless, just-for-fun kind of way. Still, if you are easily offended, hate people who cuss, or if you can't hold an intelligent conversation, you should probably leave now. If there is anything you should know about me, it is that I really can't stand stupid people. I need to keep my limit of people missing most of their functioning brain cells to a minimum. Yeah, I think that's best for all of us. Otherwise you might find my bloody carcass sprawled out across the floor, my spirit looming above my dead body waiting to bitchslap the next person who says Russia is a continent.

I will probably just write about memories I have, or the awesome events that occur throughout my day, or maybe just thoughts waiting to escape my soul. You know, normal blog crap.

I'll add a few entries and you can decide if you like it or not.